Anatomy of a Composition - Finding time, too
It’s interesting how 30 years can and do pass for us. A childhood for some, a marriage for others, maybe a career and the opposite side of childhood, being the parent.
In the scheme of things, I became a parent relatively quickly after moving to Colorado. I was just out of my own childhood at 25 when I became a parent and that was only four years after moving out West. The interceding 34 years have meant parenting and a career, along with the adventures and the humorous near calamity that tend to tag along. Those 34 years have also brought with them endings and genuine loss, there are layers of grief that I’m not sure I will actually outlive. The kaleidoscope of emotions feels equal parts buoyant and stifling.
Living in the present has never been my strength, I too often find myself living in “what if?” or “when?” It is less of being haunted by or deluded, it is more of relishing a moment or casting out for the possible. The replaying of cherished memories, reflecting with new gratitude, assembling scenes and scenarios that would bring future joy feels cathartic and comforting.
The collision of memories and opportunities - I think this is where I get lost. There have been so many intersections where the course in my life has changed. Replaying those intersections and the possible outcome of each has been on my mind lately more than usual. While it isn’t a matter of weighing or parsing out “regrets,” anytime we look back an “either/or” proposition naturally percolates. My teaching career is always entertaining to mine for memories; the amazing colleagues, the insightful, inquisitive and engaging students - each intricate moment buoys my spirits when I look into that mirror. Parenting, my greatest personal experience, will still fill my remaining days with deep laughter and unconditional love. The photography though, that is a bit of a quandary.
It’s hard not to look back at this creative journey and not be judgmental. Judging the missed scenes, judging the technical faults, judging the inability to stay in the moment. This last point, staying in the moment spills out in obvious places. Like walking upstream to locate a singular, significant source, retracing the course of our lives, and the time that we have measured, is an elusive endeavor.
East River - DJI Mavic 3 - ISO 200 | F/4.5 | 1/60 sec ~ 24mm